Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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