3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She bit a glass in half.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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