member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
