One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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