i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
