i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize