I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
