We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
