Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
