I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
