I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
