DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
