bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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