I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't trust your balls anymore.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
