In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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