Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
