he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
