I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
