That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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