TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
