You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
