he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
