You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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