if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
