bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
