He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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