he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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