My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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