She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
