he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
