It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
