Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
