We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize