Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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