So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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