I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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