Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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