I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
