i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
