Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So much Jack, so little girl.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
