Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
