What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
