Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
