So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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