I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
