I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
