you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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