If i come over, it means nothing
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
