just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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