Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
