got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
