The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
