so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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