So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
