i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
