hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
