so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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