I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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