Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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