i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
