so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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