I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
