We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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