Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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