This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
