Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
