there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize