im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
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