first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
