If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize