Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize