i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
