That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
