I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
