she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
