you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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