the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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