I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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