you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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