I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
