ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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