Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
