my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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