Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
