Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
