I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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