last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
