I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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