Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
