my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
