I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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