I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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